I'm in school, blogging. I feel like such a rebel. Last night's two Atlas Shrugged blogs didn't come out on the blog page yet, but they're visible on my editting page. So I'll see if they show up later. The Phantom Menace Soundtrack is quite rocking. But now I'll forever affiliate the Star Wars theme song with Halley's Fifth Concerto.

Enlightenment RP's annoy me. Stress. It's funny that I play Role Playing Games all the time, but Role Playing, God forbid. I sort of like acting but I have chronic fears that I can't act. I had a dream that I was playing a part in Hamlet but I was really bad and Nick B was like, "You're the worst actress I've ever seen". And I was like.. noooo. And I forgot all my lines on the night of the performance so I had to use the script, only the script kept morphing in my hands, to Romeo and Juliet, and then to Macbeth if I flipped the book upside down.

HAHAHAHA!!! I FINISHED READING ATLAS SHRUGGED! I AM THE GREATEST! I AM THE GREATEST! WOOOOOO! ALL 1074 PAGES OF IT EXCEPT FOR THAT STUPID SPEECH!!!! WOOO! AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE BACK COVER IS HANGING ON TO THE REST OF THE BOOK BY A FEW DUCT TAPE FIBERS!!!

(poor Eddie Willers)

Alex's Party was cool. Puffy can dance. I'm not sure if he can dance *well*, but he can dance. I'm sorry, Malex, for making the windows in your basement fog up. And we'll replace your cushions. Eventually. The day the music died.

Unofficial Movie Weekend continues! Saw Knight's Tale. His Noble Lady was most irritating. It was funny though. Except it actually took some effort to understand the British-ish accents. And seeing Geoffrey Chaucer naked shall traumatize me forever. MORE JOUSTING ACTION! HAHA! Villains rock.

My parents can make such odd comments about the Phantom Menace. Here goes.

"If Queen Amidala is a queen, then where's her husband?"/ "This looks so much like New York. How do they land the ship with the buildings so close together?" (about Coruscant)/ "Why do they have to land at Tatooine?"/ "Why do people live on Tatooine anyways?"/ "What do you mean the Gungans are speaking English?"/ "Oh, so those are robots?" (about the droid army)/ "Why is Qui-Gon in two pieces?" (about Darth Maul)/ "Is he the king of this planet?" (about Jabba the Hutt)/ "You mean this galaxy has two governments?" (about why the Republican guard and the Naboo Royal Guard are different)/ "They sound Japanese." (On reports of accusations of racism because the Nimoidians have Asian accents)/ "This reminds me of 'Journey to the West.' Why does it take American filmmakers 20 years to do what Chinese filmmakers have been doing for a long time?" (about flying people)/ "Why is there a palace? That doesn't fit a high-tech film."/ "It's the Sea Dragon King and his Shrimp Troops" (about Boss Nass and his hanger-ons, a reference to the undersea kingdom in the Chinese epic, 'Journey to the West', but sounds odd in English)/ "Who's that burning?" (about Qui-Gon's funeral altar)/ "Why did the robots all stop moving?"

Yeaaah. My parents are pretty clueless when it comes to sci-fi.

Hmm. Idle thoughts. I have her boss' e-mail.

My mom can be insufferably stupid. She doesn't believe me when I say that trains were invented before cars. This would be.. tolerable.. if she weren't a civil engineer.

My parents have been screwing around with our new DVD player. So it's been the unofficial movie weekend for us. Saw the Fandom Menace again and enjoyed it as much as I did the first time. I was awed and boggled like a liddle kiddy. I noticed/felt different things from when I saw it the first two times, which makes me think that movie reviews are totally arbitrary, depending on your mood when you see the movie. Critics and their pretentious crap piss me off. So it was pretty good for what it was worth, though I woulda changed some things. Like push Jake Lloyd and his stupid midochlorians off a cliff. Anyways. Here are some things you probably didn't notice/know..

The pattern on the ceiling of Anakin's room is the same pattern on Darth Maul's face-
One of the guys sitting in the crowd at the pod racing scene is Warwick Davis, who place Warwick the Ewok in Return of the Jedi.
The pod racing crowd scene was created by blowing multi-colored q-tips with a blow dryer.

And some other stuff you don't care about. Anyhoo.

How fucking bizarre. A 24 year old Russian chick just sent an e-mail saying she wants to date me because supposedly she saw my profile on an online dating service. What the hell? I think it's just bulk mail trying to get me to get a profile. You guys may appreciate her more though. She's hot.

Quoting Nick B out of context. "They must do it pretty often at female sleepovers." -Nick B on female masturbation.

Women suck. They're catty, backstabbing, gregarious sheep. I'm glad I'm straight so that I don't have to date them. Whores. See, I'm glad that there isn't like an island run by women or anything because they'd all kill each other within three weeks with their conniving. At least a Male Island would be doing something cinematic like dropping bowling balls on each other's heads with planes and doing like.. I dunno, manly things like cavalry charges. Guys are more direct and rational. I don't see how they deal with chicks. It must drive them up the wall.

Like most girls, I have hypocritical fashion nitpicks for other people, because I'm perfect. Okay.

I should.. um. I'm perfect. My hair needs more volume. Maybe highlights. I need like, real clothes. Except those would be expensive. GUCCI. (Alex says, "contacts". Shut your face)

Alex is not noticing any of this stuff. BOY. He DOES, say, though, that "Mr. Willard looked good today. Normally he looks insane. His haircut sucks with the whole bang thing. I don't know what was different today; but he did look not as insane. And when he talks he looks like a FREAK. Have you noticed that? He looks like he's enunciating a bunch." No.

Alex says he's a mad hacker and you might see a post by him soon. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! And a map of Hawaii. hE's disturbing me.

Slept. Feeling better. Unpanicked. But still cruddy.

Oh, I'm silly. I believe I'm being hysterical. Ignore me. Sleeep.

Ah. I know what I'll say when I don't have a Samizdat article tomorrow. "I was.. uh.. feeling uncomfortable with my subject area. ... heh.." Let's write about Kraft maceroni and cheese. I'll be fine tomorrow, I hope. I get random emotional spazzes sometimes, well, no, once before on the first and second day of school when I got hella depressed for no reason at all, so this must be one of those except with panic. PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! Okay, I'm not done i'm done done. Right. i'm imrpessed I cann still spell and capitalize. I think I'll sleep. Ay there's the rub. Watch me die in my sleep. That'd be funny.

Crud, I wish I weren't being haunted by demons from hell. Now I need a new Samizdat topic, because a visit to Satan's homeland may be a little much right now. Or a new passtime at least. I know. Writing trivial Blog entries. YES! HAHA! (Quiet you, it's keeping me sane. Alex. You feel sorry for me. Bring me some prozac and chocolate tomorrow... yesyesyesyesyes.. *giggle snort stomp randomsoundeffect*) What am I HIGH on?

Oh, goody.

*nervous laughter* Oh god. There's got to be something I can do besides gnawing on my knuckles. fuckkkk

It's been a normal day, but I've been feeling funny. Sort of like a violin string that's been wound too tightly. I don't know why. It's the day after Thanksgiving Break and everyone's all relaxed and in a good mood, except for me. I have this 'black rising wave of panic' feeling going on, which sounds like something off of Nick's Goth Quote Generator, except it's true. It comes and goes, and I don't know why, and it makes me nervous. It's creepy. I remember yesterday squelching some unpleasant memory. I was thinking, "I never want to remember this for the rest of my life, but it's not like I can consciously block out my memories, so the best thing to do is not think of it." So I didn't think of it. Except today, when I remembered that I was supposed to be Not Remembering and Not Thinking About something. I've been trying to remember it, and going through all the bad memories and deeds I've had that could possibly make me want to black it out, because in order to face this panic thing, I've got to cast some light on its source. But for the life of me I can't remember what It was. Maybe it's a blessing. Apparently I can have selective amnesia.

I don't want to write my Samizdat Satanism article. Because in order to do that I'll have to go back to the Church of Satan page, and it "fills me with fear and wonder". Because it makes Satanism look moral, and it's very rational, simple, intelligent and humorous. I'm not Christian, but I have this feeling of looking into this deep dark cold (dammit, maybe it's because my computer's in the basement) pool, before diving in and losing my soul. I'm nuts. I'm fucking nuts. But I don't want to do this.

Jesus, someone save me.

I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday. It was my second Thanksgiving dinner, on Saturday. Because my sister and my... brother-in-law (god that sounds weird) had dinner with his side of the family on actual Thanksgiving. Once again, I am the king of mashed potatoes. ROCK. And this year, my brother-in-law didn't get drunk as shit and throw up in our bathroom. It made up for me spending all day with my parents in Wal-mart. -_-. At least I got me some Zelda strategy guides. And a magazine with interviews with Lord of the Rings people. All the women in this magazine (the "Women of Science Fiction" posters ad) are half naked. What a time of empowerment.

Went to church today. For a violin recital rehearsal. It's been forever since I've been to church. No love lost. It amuses me to no end that in Lufia, the RPG I got for my friend, to save the game, you have to go inside a church. Basically.. you must go to church to be Saved! It's pretty funny that there are so many church-like buildings in RPG's, but no one's actually Christian.