I had gone to International Night last night because I felt I ought to get out more. Even if it is just going to school, but I can delude myself. Mostly I was motivated by the free food.

Performances can only be described as ghettofabulous. Good, I guess, for a non-humorous high school ethnic talent show. Xu was in the show, in Chinese dress, as were a lot of random Chinese people I know but don't hang out with. Joyce and Xue were there and quite graceful in the Maiden River dance and I was envious again like I was as a little fat kid watching gymnasts and ballerinas. Lucy was the announcer some of the time and seemed very stiff about it. Many of the performances were quite well done. Most were. Some were not, like the singing of Chinese pop songs.. The audience, however, was horrid: during the super-serious samurai staff ritual performance various people in the audience were yelling "Ai!!" imitating the fighters' karate yells and snickering, and during an Indian wedding dance were singing in fake Punjabi falsettos, like chingchongchingchong but Indian. I was like, "Could you be more offensive?" and I would have yelled at the people behind me except that one of them was like an 8 year old girl. Racism is not something I generally think of as common in minorities (which was most of the audience and nearly all of the performers), so this shocked me. I don't think these people were so much racist as transcending to levels of incredible disrespect. And of course, the audience could never shut up, even while the announcer was introducing people. Were we this rude during Mr. RM? I know we were loud, but I never thought of it as really rude. I'm not sure if I just have different standards because when I know people in the show, it's 'enthusiasm' and when I don't, it's 'rudeness.'

Something traumatizing: Anya bellydancing. I kid you not.

She was very good at it.

Meg and EdandMilla were there but I didn't really talk to them much. Meg, I think, was still traumatized by Anya bellydancing, and EdandMilla I left to their own devices because they seemed more interested in each other than in me.

The food was good, though being literally all carbohydrates. I think there were like, fifty different kinds of rice. I have a theory that poor countries eat a lot of wheat based products since they can't really afford meat, fruit, or vegetables. Atkins is very much the result of an over-rich nation.

Had a long talk and walk and got all muddy in Rock Creek Park with Spachee, who is, as she noted, more my sister than my actual sisters. We were both in general despair over the world, but I told her that it's more that humans are idiots before and we simply never realized. I think people had to feel so helpless in World War II and I, with the new technology and bizarre causes and the entire world going to pot, which is slightly uplifting to know that people have gone through the same thing before and survived, but depressing to know that people have gone through the same thing before and survived but not learned. I think this war is incredibly absurd. More people are dead from helo crashes than combat, and all of our wounded are a result of a grenade attack by one of our own soldiers, and 200 civilians (says Iraq anyhow), are wounded in Bagdad. Madness, madness.

One thing I never thought I'd think: How beautiful the explosions over Bagdad, the red curling smoke and flashes of light in the brightness of the living night, like fireworks, or the horsehead nebula.

I feel, for the sake of posterity only, that I ought to say something about the war though I really have no political or even ideological opinion, and when really it doesn't affect my life except in terms of the surreality of it all- when you see war news splashed over the front page of the paper (which I never thought to see in my lifetime), and sometimes fear, and sometimes it breaks my heart and makes me want to cry. In not so strong a term: more like it makes me want to want to cry. It plants the seed of tears, it puts me in the somber heartshardsbrokenglass mood where if something else happened crying would be possible. And though I consider myself both a hawk and a patriot, I avoid it on the news and I hope that the war ends quickly, and though I did not think I would feel pity, as we eagerly await news on the status of Saddam and his sons and smoke over Bagdad and fire in the night I feel sad if not but then again sorry that we must kill a man.

Rain, rain, go away. Am in the habit of going to Archaeology on Thursdays again mostly because it gives me a chance to chat with Mary and Rachel M, and am looking forward to the dig next Saturday. I'm getting back into my groove. We had a good bag, not a nailbag like the one that haunted me late last year and early this. We had so much interesting glassware, with textures (which Mary said reminded her of her cat's fur but stylized and mused on if the glass was once a cat statue) and patterns, and a piece of fiber, and pottery and some other stuff we couldn't identify.

Have finished rolling up my multi-class, multi-personality D&D gnomish vegetarian plant-hating ranger-cleric and have given the sheet to Mary, since she, for very good reasons, would not allow me to play a Gelatinous Cube ("You don't have a brain." "But I could consume one!"). We decided that how we'd meet is, I'm a patient at a mental institution, Andrew's half-orc fighter is an orderly there, Shannon's rogue is hired to break in to steal something/free someone (whatever) and steals a chest containing me inside it (either intentionally or not), and Joanne's bard is a friend of Shannon's rogue. Ah, there. The wonders of D&D.

Have new 3rd edition D&D group, with Mary GMing, Joanne, Andrew Durfor, and Shannon, some girl Mary and Joanne know but I do not. Have decided to meet on Tuesdays at lunch instead of Mondays to avoid James Durfor and Alex Haley, the insane munchkin duo who insist on being 'half celestials.'

Abuse of Webcam:

(For reference, this is Steve who I was/am semi-dating from Louisiana. Carry on.)

SFX_87: stir things up. Get a mohawk.
theodrekt2t: Gah.
theodrekt2t: i could strip.
SFX_87: yah, uh.. close the doors? ^__^
theodrekt2t: o.O Really?
SFX_87: no!
SFX_87: ^__^
theodrekt2t: No doors...but...dun hafta worry about that...
theodrekt2t: Lemme take off my pants, then... ^_^;
SFX_87: were you really gonna do it???
theodrekt2t: ...well...yeah...
theodrekt2t: *blushes*
theodrekt2t: *tilts head at you*
SFX_87: I can live without male stripping for a while.
theodrekt2t: *sighs*
theodrekt2t: You sure...?
theodrekt2t: *was actually getting into the mindset of it*
theodrekt2t: And no one else is watching.
SFX_87: It would be amusing, but please keep your pants on.
theodrekt2t: Bah
SFX_87: actually... depends. Are you ripped?
theodrekt2t: No.
theodrekt2t: Which is why Iw asn't gonna take off the shirt.
theodrekt2t: Just enough to show...umm...the little guy.
SFX_87: wise.
theodrekt2t: JUST it.
SFX_87: no, don't do that.
SFX_87: don't do that.
theodrekt2t: *nods*
theodrekt2t: Blaaah.
SFX_87: *hides*
theodrekt2t: Then send ME a picture...!
theodrekt2t: I never saw what you look like.
theodrekt2t:
SFX_87: You're threatening me with stripping?
SFX_87: dear god.
theodrekt2t: ...
theodrekt2t: o.O
theodrekt2t: ...YES.
theodrekt2t: YES, I AM.
SFX_87: THE HORROR! THE HORROR!
theodrekt2t: Oh, don't make me
theodrekt2t: That's the belt.
theodrekt2t: The pants will be unzipped next.
theodrekt2t:
SFX_87: yikes
theodrekt2t: Yeah
theodrekt2t: That's right!
theodrekt2t:
theodrekt2t: Push me!
theodrekt2t: Go ahead and do it!
SFX_87: uh.. *pushes*
SFX_87: I'm going to have nightmares about this, I swear.
theodrekt2t: ...
theodrekt2t:
theodrekt2t: Fine...
SFX_87: ah!!!
SFX_87: window minimize!!!
theodrekt2t: Mrr
SFX_87: haha! Foiled again!
theodrekt2t: Blah.
SFX_87: oh, good.
SFX_87: you're back.
theodrekt2t: Yes, and I'm not wearing pants.
SFX_87: greaaatt.
SFX_87: You should wear a kilt. It would make a great conversation piece.
theodrekt2t: I want to.
theodrekt2t: Anyway.
theodrekt2t: Want to see it? o.O
SFX_87: sure.
SFX_87: *mumblemumblemadscotsmanmumble*
theodrekt2t: Well...are you sure?
SFX_87: yah
theodrekt2t: Not the kilt.
theodrekt2t:
SFX_87: but don't make me see you change.
theodrekt2t: No...NOT THE KILT.
theodrekt2t: Not see the kily.
theodrekt2t: *kilt.
SFX_87: Wait.
theodrekt2t: I'm asking to make sure you're not confused./
SFX_87: You're asking me if I want to see your notkilt?
SFX_87: if I want to see you not in a kilt?
theodrekt2t: Yes.
SFX_87: agh, no.
SFX_87: put some clothes on, man.
theodrekt2t: Blah.
theodrekt2t: I dun wanna.
theodrekt2t: *has 11 hours of work tomorrow*
SFX_87: TOGA! TOGA!
SFX_87: TOGA!
theodrekt2t: *is relaxing*
theodrekt2t: *sigh* Then I'm a turn it off.
theodrekt2t: Cam.
theodrekt2t: -_- Me wanna be naked...bottom down, at least.
SFX_87: wear shorts?

(I knew I did not love Catherine Barkley nor had any idea of loving her. This was a game, like bridge, in which you said things instead of playing cards. Like bridge you had to pretend you were playing for money or playing for some stakes. Nobody had mentioned what the stakes were.)

Do I put on a good show of being interested? I'm indifferent, even in my banter, except that it's a chore keeping it up. I promised myself not to push guys away, because I'm attracted to unattainable assholes. By the nature of that attraction, I repulse nice boys who like me, and therefore I must fight my twisted nature of pushing away nice boys by being ultra-accomodating to geeks on the internet, even if I don't like them, because I don't know if me not liking them is because they're actually losers, or because of my screwy Freudian psychoshit. Common Sense would tell me not to date people I don't like, but seeing as that people I do like are assholes who're not good for me, by that approach I'm going to end up fucking some homicidal drunk.

I don't know if I'm nuts one way or nuts the other.

Change of tone:

Friday:

Mr. RM was hilarious. Good job, guys. I'm glad we got so much IB representin'. Po' Puffy didn't make it into the top 5 (which Xu did with his mad raver skillz): he was good but didn't project an image. His image should've been the suave math geek thing that's made him popular these last four years, but he was really serious about the whole contest, to his detriment. Kira is right though. He is ripped.
It was good we had such an enthusiastic audience though. Including Malex (who did come, forgoing the Bivalve party) yelling, "TAKE IT OFF!" and chanting "PUFFY! PUFFY!" Good stuff.

Saturday, went to Potbelly's at 5:30, had a nice dinner with a bunch of random RMers I don't know all too well or at all (including Kevin, Tara who looks like Cynthia from Clan of the Cats, Kainoa CHANG- which he proved is more common a Chinese name than Wong...). The 7:25 showing of Chicago was sold out, even though I had my ticket already it didn't matter since not everybody else could get tickets. Me, Nick, Malex, Lizzie and Sarah decided to hang around until the 9:55 showing (I just exchanged my ticket) after much argument: some of the juniors left, some of them who'd already had tickets for the 7:25 showing just went and saw that. We sat around at Ben and Jerry's, then comfy armchairs at Starbucks, then we went to CVS so Malex could buy mechanical pencils. We harassed the historical county courthouse fountain and statuary, and Malex noted that Justice is quite busty, at least from an angle. Just to show that Rockville has no nightlife, which Malex labeled, if it were to exist, "The 5:30 Club." We lay down on the grass of a park nearby and looked at the stars and the moon, before going to the theater obscenely early, so we got to watch the.. trailers for the trailers, so to speak. LAME.

Chicago kicked ass, with hot Welsh women that Nick adored. Her role wasn't actually all that big though. And, um, yes.. scantily clad female inmates, who all inexplicably wear eyeshadow and lipstick in prison. The main female character looked enough like a hot and blond Ms. Shay to disturb me for the first fifteen minutes of the movie before I really got into it. Though I would've preferred a different ending.

Last few days:

Exploring watercolors, painting fruit. So hard to control. Results: satisfactory. Janay has been depressed over Rashad's death, since she had been his sweetheart, apparently. People tell her she could have saved him; if she had dated him, he would've come to school to see her and wouldn't have stayed home that day. It does not make her feel better. Despite spring and watercolors, art class has been in general very down. I never even knew the guy but I'm beginning to miss him even, from Janay talking about him and the funeral so much, and the mother whose son is 6 feet under and whose daughter is in Juvie until she's 21, and so has basically lost two children at once. I had expected it to be a drug related death, or a car accident, but being stabbed by your 12 year old sister over a cell phone is such a cruelly needless way to go, that it's very sad and I mean it. 1987-2003. I wonder what it'd be like to die tomorrow.