Very nice day. Went to the National Museum of Women and the Arts with Rachel (she's actually a very interesting person if you get to know her). Malex was right; the architecture is breathtaking, though I said it was Napoleonic and Rachel said it was Victorian. I think I agree with her now. You go inside, and it doesn't look like a museum, (a public, government institution), but quite private and exclusive, like a ballroom, with grand stairs (complete with pale stone balustrade) sweeping upwards to the left and to the right onto a mezzanine. With plastered Corinthian columns and padded satiny wallpaper (wallcloth, to be more accurate, though I must invent words) in soft shell pink, and paneled ceilings, from which hung droplet chandeliers. First we saw works by women silversmiths, which thrilled me because I didn't know women could be silversmiths. I just never thought about it. It opened my mind. Then we looked at art by women in Imperial Russia. It was absolutely extraordinary; many of the paintings we quite literally couldn't tell weren't photographs until we read the captions. I thought they would be fat and manly, but many of the women in the paintings were still beautiful and luminous after several hundred years, with eyes that were clear and bright. There was an oil painting of two sisters, the daughters of a duke, and later on in the gallery, I discovered two seperate portraits of each sister, but about fifteen years older. It was like an instant of time-travelling, seeing those little girls grow up. Great art renders me inarticulate.

Museum cafeteria: great food, atmosphere, very classy, but tremendously overpriced. $1.50 for a fucking glass of iced tea. I should be a museum food critic. T'would be tres amusing.

We went to the Natural History Museum too and saw 'Back to the Cretaceous: Tyrannosaurus Rex' on the IMAX, about a girl and her magical T-Rex egg. It had absurdly bad acting. Though nobody pays $7.50 for a movie called 'Back to the Cretaceous: Tyrannosaurus Rex' to watch the acting, I still expected that with these people's twenty foot tall heads hovering before an audience so that you could intensely study each and every pore and pimple, it would have been in their best interests to not embarrass themselves. (falsetto) Oh, daddy, you spend so much time with dinosaurs you don't love me anymore! Why won't you let me go on digs with you? Boohoohoo. (deep voice) It's just too dangerous for you out there, sweetheart. (falsetto) But daddy! I know I'm mature! I can help you out by cataloging artifacts like Andrew P! You know I'm smart and sincere because I work at the Smithsonian! Look! I drew a picture of a T-Rex! Daddy, please??? (deep voice) Hi! I am Charles Knight, dinosaur painter extraordinaire! You can tell you've gone back in time due to a freak accident because I have an atrocious English accent. Watch me pronounce Tyraunosaurus. Tyraunosaurus! Tyraunosaurus! I'm British! Smashing!

Get a life, little time-travelling girl; I didn't pay $7.50 to see you walking all moony-eyed through a studio pre-historic jungle. Anyone who positions herself between an oviraptor and a T-Rex yelling, "Give her back her egg!!!!!" really deserves to die. I was waiting for the T-Rex to bloody bite her head off.

(falsetto) Oh, daddy! (/end falsetto)

More 3D generated dinosaurs, I say. It should be a law: IMAX movies should be forbidden to have plots. Still, the 3D flyovers were spectacular.

Rating: Two stars. Thank you. That was: Museum Movie Review. It should be a permanent column feature, like Stephen Hunter.

Also saw exhibits on Inuits, where we discovered, in their scrimshaw, an amazing level of realism in their art that we never before attributed to tribal societies. And we saw the beginnings of the Southern American cultures exhibit, the mainstay of which was a mounted nomadic native man hunting an emu, like a cowboy. I want to do that. It's my new hobby. Hunting emus on horseback. Saw, as we walked through, some dinosaurs, the ice age mammals exhibit, the Iceman exhibit, and the Trade and Empires exhibit which is all Ancient World. Apparently the average old world woman was 5' 2". I hope it made Rachel feel better about being short.

Got my meningitis shot. May fall into a fever tomorrow or the day after. Then ate at the Cheesecake Factory and went to White Flint Mall with my mom. Woo.

Rammstein Karaoke warm-up exercises!

Step 1: Find a quiet place free of distractions.
Step 2: Clear your mind or everything but the sexiness that is Rammstein.
Step 3: Horsewhip yourself repeatedly.
Step 4: Break bottle.
Step 5: Smash against head.
Step 6: Repeat.
Step 7: Make 'i am dying' coughing sounds.
Step 8: Hack up phlegm.

Now, do you have a good 'basso profoundo'? Good! Now you're ready to begin!

Random Rammstein Lyrics Generator Song 1: "Pies"

You
You Made
You Made Pies
You Made Pies
You Made Pies With Steak
The Bed is on Fire
You Made Pies With Steak

You Made Pies With Steak, And I Am Filled With Cream
Cheese

(Incoherent angry yelling in German)

Ja! Ja! Volkswagon!

Rammstein caresses my brain.

Mmmm. Ah.

(Disclaimer: Years later, I will look back on this post and be embarrassed.)

These lyrics are pretty f-ed though. I wonder if they're supposed to make sense. It is time for! RANDOM RAMMSTEIN LYRICS GENERATOR!!!!.. Malex!

*clapclap*

Manslave!

Fetch me a generator!

Wow, I can't believe it's snowing again! The grass is green, the flowers are out, and the snow falls like petals in my face.

Wow, I can't believe it's snowing.