You know...
when your mom says, "You and I grew up in different worlds; you have to realize that you can't just stop doing things because you don't like them. No matter what you do you have to work hard. You don't realize how lucky you are! You're young and have to take your future into account. What kind of job are you going to get? You'll see how the world really is when you're struggling to pay the bills and the taxes and can't find a job, and then you'll see how much you "enjoy" your field! But fine, do whatever you like. We'll support you no matter what you do" is not very supportive.
You know, mom, why I never call you? Because I already know what you're going to say to me ahead of time! You say you want me to call so I can tell you about my life but if you want me to talk to you so much how come you never listen?
-_-
Anyway.
Plans for the future.. getting feedback in young fantasy writer's workshop, going to edit, revise, put in standard manuscript form, and send my short story to various fantasy magazines, wait for 8-12 weeks, and no doubt get rejected. Teehee... me vs. "Realms of Fantasy" (competitive as hell!) Five cents per word, baby! It will be comical how I get thrown out on my butt. ("You expect us to pay $200 for this shit???") Still, should be good experience. I think I'm good enough to get into small press and webzines though, and other things that pay like 1 cent a word, or less, or a flat rate. That's what.. $40... and recognition, and things to put on my cover sheet next time I submit.
More plans for the future; Hey, dudes. I live what... a Metro ride away from the Smithsonian? That's like.. the best collection of prestigious museums in this country. I'm sure at least one of them can have a use for unskilled/semi-skilled labor this summer. I figure that "two years American archaeology with Maryland Park Service" could look pretty okay on a resume (though this is just BS for "RM Archaeology club") as well as whatever courses, including "Introduction to Greek Archaeology" that I'll have taken this year. I could realistically get a job filing and cataloguing some old shit, or moving it, or setting stuff up, or taking it down. I figure that if I get some job experience during college it'll help me with the infamously difficult search for jobs by Ancient Studies majors..
Friday, October 03, 2003
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Grandiose acts of stupidity
You know that I never go to econ. Why? Because I took it last year, and this year all we do is listen to the professor lecture from the powerpoint slides, which are online anyways. Since I took econ already, it's not like I need an hour and fifteen minutes of him explaining the slides, especially after math on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He never gives regular homework, the syllabus doesn't even say what we're doing each day... so I never went, especially with other things going on.
You can see where this is leading.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I missed my exam.
Bravo.
I get to make it up, thankfully, but I'm really pissed off at myself.
I need a 3.25 GPA to keep my scholarship. What is that? Two A's and three B's, with all five classes? I, thankfully, can do this thing called "audit" in which I have one class count for credit but not count for GPA or graduation requirements, and that'll work well for econ if I should need it, considering that I've already placed out of it with my AP exams anyway. Kay says, in a supportive manner, that audit just means, "I'm here at this class to listen, but don't want it to count against me." But still, other classes won't be as forgiving. Look a biology which is easy but where I lose points over stupid things (anti A serum means it has no A blood cells,... absence of midigital hair is recessive.. shit.. fuckers.. ) and accounting where my accounts never seem to balance and linear algebra for which the homework is graded on correctness not completeness so that so far my grade (with two homework assignments each worth 30 points) is a very non-A, non-B, 70% (and what will I do on tests where I'm timed and can't use the book hm?) and unlike calculus I have no idea in hell what any of this is used for. The only thing I'm doing well in is Archaeology which I'm acing with nearly 100% I believe. It's a scholarship for everything, and I suddenly realized how desperately I don't want to lose it. My family is knee deep in debt; I'm not sure I could afford to go here without it and even if I could they'd never forgive me.
I don't want to go.
This is my home I don't want to be evicted I don't want to leave and even if I go back to Rockville (don't go back) what would be left for me there except for a family whose disappointment in me would be worse than anger?
But what's left for me here the way I'm going except for a mediocre life? I have been fortunate enough to know people who love econ with a passion, who dream up demand curves and tear through the Wall Street Journal like the latest Harry Potter, who read Wealth of Nations for fun. I have known you and I am not you. I'm just a mediocre mind. Someday I'm going to wake up at my desk in my cubicle at my 9 to five job with my mug of coffee with a stack of ledgers on my desk going What the hell did I do in the last twenty years?
I know what I want.
I want to major in Ancient Studies, I want to write.
English classes of course make me puke, so the latter is basically out of question, except maybe if I can find some writing workshop courses or something to pad my schedule when I find the time.
Reasoning for the former is very simple: I enjoy it; it excites me, it makes me want to get up in the morning. Additonally I'm good at it, I have experience in it. While I'll only be a pretty shitty economist, I think as a.. um.. Ancient Studyist I'll be damn good. When Jeremy studies for his test I already know all the answers without having taken the course. I've (all for fun, btw): been to Greece, taken a college level etymologies course, done archaeology with the Maryland Park Service (okay, school... but technically it still is MPS, Andrew ^__^) for the last two years, read the Illiad, Mary Renault's Alexander trilogy, her Theseus duology, the Nature of Alexander, literally every article in Electronic Library about Alexander the Great, gone through every single National Geographic since 1990 for articles on Greece/Egypt, and just read a ton of nonfiction books in general.
So what if I can't get a job? I won't be able to get a job if I keep sucking wang like this in econ and lose my scholarship anyway.
You know that I never go to econ. Why? Because I took it last year, and this year all we do is listen to the professor lecture from the powerpoint slides, which are online anyways. Since I took econ already, it's not like I need an hour and fifteen minutes of him explaining the slides, especially after math on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He never gives regular homework, the syllabus doesn't even say what we're doing each day... so I never went, especially with other things going on.
You can see where this is leading.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I missed my exam.
Bravo.
I get to make it up, thankfully, but I'm really pissed off at myself.
I need a 3.25 GPA to keep my scholarship. What is that? Two A's and three B's, with all five classes? I, thankfully, can do this thing called "audit" in which I have one class count for credit but not count for GPA or graduation requirements, and that'll work well for econ if I should need it, considering that I've already placed out of it with my AP exams anyway. Kay says, in a supportive manner, that audit just means, "I'm here at this class to listen, but don't want it to count against me." But still, other classes won't be as forgiving. Look a biology which is easy but where I lose points over stupid things (anti A serum means it has no A blood cells,... absence of midigital hair is recessive.. shit.. fuckers.. ) and accounting where my accounts never seem to balance and linear algebra for which the homework is graded on correctness not completeness so that so far my grade (with two homework assignments each worth 30 points) is a very non-A, non-B, 70% (and what will I do on tests where I'm timed and can't use the book hm?) and unlike calculus I have no idea in hell what any of this is used for. The only thing I'm doing well in is Archaeology which I'm acing with nearly 100% I believe. It's a scholarship for everything, and I suddenly realized how desperately I don't want to lose it. My family is knee deep in debt; I'm not sure I could afford to go here without it and even if I could they'd never forgive me.
I don't want to go.
This is my home I don't want to be evicted I don't want to leave and even if I go back to Rockville (don't go back) what would be left for me there except for a family whose disappointment in me would be worse than anger?
But what's left for me here the way I'm going except for a mediocre life? I have been fortunate enough to know people who love econ with a passion, who dream up demand curves and tear through the Wall Street Journal like the latest Harry Potter, who read Wealth of Nations for fun. I have known you and I am not you. I'm just a mediocre mind. Someday I'm going to wake up at my desk in my cubicle at my 9 to five job with my mug of coffee with a stack of ledgers on my desk going What the hell did I do in the last twenty years?
I know what I want.
I want to major in Ancient Studies, I want to write.
English classes of course make me puke, so the latter is basically out of question, except maybe if I can find some writing workshop courses or something to pad my schedule when I find the time.
Reasoning for the former is very simple: I enjoy it; it excites me, it makes me want to get up in the morning. Additonally I'm good at it, I have experience in it. While I'll only be a pretty shitty economist, I think as a.. um.. Ancient Studyist I'll be damn good. When Jeremy studies for his test I already know all the answers without having taken the course. I've (all for fun, btw): been to Greece, taken a college level etymologies course, done archaeology with the Maryland Park Service (okay, school... but technically it still is MPS, Andrew ^__^) for the last two years, read the Illiad, Mary Renault's Alexander trilogy, her Theseus duology, the Nature of Alexander, literally every article in Electronic Library about Alexander the Great, gone through every single National Geographic since 1990 for articles on Greece/Egypt, and just read a ton of nonfiction books in general.
So what if I can't get a job? I won't be able to get a job if I keep sucking wang like this in econ and lose my scholarship anyway.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Girl (and Boy) Interrupted
Me and Jeremy have been interrupted in the middle of things by:
-Ryan ... Quote Upon Entering: "I'm leaving. You can have the room to yourselves."
-Niall ... Quote Upon Entering: "Oh my God! I'm sorry!"/ "I just walked in on the act of procreation!"
-Kay .... Quote Upon Entering: "Jeremy, are you okay- I'm sorry! I thought you were sick!"
-Casey ... Quote Upon Entering: "Are you decent? I can come back later!"
-Jeremy's parents via phone .... Quote Upon Entering: "Hello? We're downstairs."
-Chesapeake dorm, fire alarm
Like cowboys with quickdraw, I have developed the skill of putting on my clothes really really fast.
Me and Jeremy have been interrupted in the middle of things by:
-Ryan ... Quote Upon Entering: "I'm leaving. You can have the room to yourselves."
-Niall ... Quote Upon Entering: "Oh my God! I'm sorry!"/ "I just walked in on the act of procreation!"
-Kay .... Quote Upon Entering: "Jeremy, are you okay- I'm sorry! I thought you were sick!"
-Casey ... Quote Upon Entering: "Are you decent? I can come back later!"
-Jeremy's parents via phone .... Quote Upon Entering: "Hello? We're downstairs."
-Chesapeake dorm, fire alarm
Like cowboys with quickdraw, I have developed the skill of putting on my clothes really really fast.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Please Be Gentle
So Friday was D&D. Jeremy's character kicked the bucket. It didn't matter very much; he just made another one. Tabletop RPing is kind of weird to me in how easy it is to just be like, "Oh, my character's dead, whatever." I would think I'd get attached to them.
The majority of Saturday was spent doing things that are none of your business. The other part was spent watching Jeremy play Warcraft III, which of course invites a bunch of Malex-esque jokes like, "Your momma was on reduced difficulty last night!" Talked, kind of, to Lori, and Andrew D and Will visiting from William and Mary, and Caitlin B, the face that launched a thousand minivans. Apparently her face launched Will's thousand minivans, because she always seems to dress up for him, and he is falling for her like a brick.
Also watched Jose and his roommate Brian lose badly at Jedi Knight, while reading a short story Jose wrote in high school for English class. He is, self-admittedly, an engineer and not a good writer, but wants to adapt his story into a White Wolf campaign. It has very good concepts, but in execution reminded me of the type of cringe-worthy story I used to write in middle and high school. I instantaneously generated a piece of advice for future English students. Never ever ever write anything in the epic fantasy/horror genre for a short story assignment. Write a happy story about the first time you learned to bike, or some other sentimental life-is-short style tripe. If I ever become an English teacher, which I will not, and I have to end up reading some student's appendicied Gothica or anything like what I used to churn out in seventh grade, I am going to shoot myself, with a blunt spoon.
Jose's story, however, provides such unintentionally comical lines as, "Kali threw her throwing knives at the demon" and "The demon looked like a dog with ivory horns" (... a dog.. with.. ivory?? ... *headexplodey*) which make me crack up at totally wrong moments just thinking about them. Something else that cracks me up is, "Hello, fallows, I'm Mr. Shmallow!" which is not in the story but is funny for no reason whatsoever. It's something Jeremy's friends quote all the time, most probably from Homestar Runner though I wouldn't know. I'm getting on with Jeremy's friends okay, though I don't know what they think of me. I'd introduce them all by name here but I'm lazy. Anyway, I have a suspicion that Jose was annoyed with me bursting out in fits of laughter over his story at inappropriate parts, but (he said, anyway) he was glad I enjoyed it.
Jose, I'm sorry.
It's still funny.
I ran back to my dorm to grab my toothbrush and play Zelda Ocarina of Time for literally 15 minutes, if only on the principle that I should not live with Jeremy 24/7.. therefore he gets 23:45/7. I stayed with Jeremy overnight. It was a really bizarre thing to wake up to. I opened my eyes and I was in his possessed Dionysian deathgrip holding me to him rather convulsively. Some hand was up my shirt or trying to get up it, a window was open and letting in an autumn draft and insect sounds, and I was like where the hell am I? (No, he was not drunk. No, we did not fuck. I give these disclaimers not because I imminently expect these things to happen, but because I expect that some of the nosier of you will feel like asking.)
Anyway, I was a bit disturbed and woke Jeremy from his demonic half-sleep. We got out of bed, got back into bed, spent the rest of the morning in an aura of warm and sunny entropy in a cocoon of green bedsheets. We were interrupted via the phone when Jeremy's parents said they were downstairs, so we put our clothes back on and went to meet them, and it was passing strange. You know that feeling you get being the only outsider in someone else's family? Well, that was that, literally. It was.. Jeremy's mom, dad, sister, dog.. and then me. They were like, "So, Jeremy, who's your friend?" and "Are you from China?" and I kept getting (not really appropriately since it was nothing like that) flashbacks of Ian's family in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Jeremy, I imagine, has this little invisible knob attached to maybe the back of his neck or something, like a tuning peg. When he is in the same room as his family, something turns that little knob, and, visible only to me, his composure becomes just a little tighter, a little closed, a little more cold and a little more controlled.
But around me he is different.
So Friday was D&D. Jeremy's character kicked the bucket. It didn't matter very much; he just made another one. Tabletop RPing is kind of weird to me in how easy it is to just be like, "Oh, my character's dead, whatever." I would think I'd get attached to them.
The majority of Saturday was spent doing things that are none of your business. The other part was spent watching Jeremy play Warcraft III, which of course invites a bunch of Malex-esque jokes like, "Your momma was on reduced difficulty last night!" Talked, kind of, to Lori, and Andrew D and Will visiting from William and Mary, and Caitlin B, the face that launched a thousand minivans. Apparently her face launched Will's thousand minivans, because she always seems to dress up for him, and he is falling for her like a brick.
Also watched Jose and his roommate Brian lose badly at Jedi Knight, while reading a short story Jose wrote in high school for English class. He is, self-admittedly, an engineer and not a good writer, but wants to adapt his story into a White Wolf campaign. It has very good concepts, but in execution reminded me of the type of cringe-worthy story I used to write in middle and high school. I instantaneously generated a piece of advice for future English students. Never ever ever write anything in the epic fantasy/horror genre for a short story assignment. Write a happy story about the first time you learned to bike, or some other sentimental life-is-short style tripe. If I ever become an English teacher, which I will not, and I have to end up reading some student's appendicied Gothica or anything like what I used to churn out in seventh grade, I am going to shoot myself, with a blunt spoon.
Jose's story, however, provides such unintentionally comical lines as, "Kali threw her throwing knives at the demon" and "The demon looked like a dog with ivory horns" (... a dog.. with.. ivory?? ... *headexplodey*) which make me crack up at totally wrong moments just thinking about them. Something else that cracks me up is, "Hello, fallows, I'm Mr. Shmallow!" which is not in the story but is funny for no reason whatsoever. It's something Jeremy's friends quote all the time, most probably from Homestar Runner though I wouldn't know. I'm getting on with Jeremy's friends okay, though I don't know what they think of me. I'd introduce them all by name here but I'm lazy. Anyway, I have a suspicion that Jose was annoyed with me bursting out in fits of laughter over his story at inappropriate parts, but (he said, anyway) he was glad I enjoyed it.
Jose, I'm sorry.
It's still funny.
I ran back to my dorm to grab my toothbrush and play Zelda Ocarina of Time for literally 15 minutes, if only on the principle that I should not live with Jeremy 24/7.. therefore he gets 23:45/7. I stayed with Jeremy overnight. It was a really bizarre thing to wake up to. I opened my eyes and I was in his possessed Dionysian deathgrip holding me to him rather convulsively. Some hand was up my shirt or trying to get up it, a window was open and letting in an autumn draft and insect sounds, and I was like where the hell am I? (No, he was not drunk. No, we did not fuck. I give these disclaimers not because I imminently expect these things to happen, but because I expect that some of the nosier of you will feel like asking.)
Anyway, I was a bit disturbed and woke Jeremy from his demonic half-sleep. We got out of bed, got back into bed, spent the rest of the morning in an aura of warm and sunny entropy in a cocoon of green bedsheets. We were interrupted via the phone when Jeremy's parents said they were downstairs, so we put our clothes back on and went to meet them, and it was passing strange. You know that feeling you get being the only outsider in someone else's family? Well, that was that, literally. It was.. Jeremy's mom, dad, sister, dog.. and then me. They were like, "So, Jeremy, who's your friend?" and "Are you from China?" and I kept getting (not really appropriately since it was nothing like that) flashbacks of Ian's family in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Jeremy, I imagine, has this little invisible knob attached to maybe the back of his neck or something, like a tuning peg. When he is in the same room as his family, something turns that little knob, and, visible only to me, his composure becomes just a little tighter, a little closed, a little more cold and a little more controlled.
But around me he is different.
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