Read "Men at Arms," which is possibly the best Discworld book. Some discrepancies with Fifth Elephant regarding werewolves though. Also, a special feature called Captain Carrot Gets Laid. Finally. Was hoping to read "Thief of Time," seeing as that Hong Kong is the perfect place to read a book mocking kung fu flicks, but the English section of my local library didn't have it. Had lots of Eddings though. And Madame Bovary. Grrrr. Begone, summer reading! So many books, so little Pratchett... man, and Hong Kong calls itself a British Crown Colony?

Oh, wait.

Went on a three day cruise with an onshore excursion in Xiamen, China. It's in Fujian. Actually, it's more like one whole day, being that we actually sailed on Wedsneday evening from Hong Kong, and returned to Hong Kong at 2 in the afternoon on Friday. I was on the ship, and after the "wow, it's just like a hotel on land!" novelty of it, I sort of got quickly unappreciative because it.. well.. was just like a hotel on land. With elevators and stuff. That you were stuck in and made you nauseous. I'm so ungrateful. Overall though, I enjoyed spending time with my family. Uno is universal.. as are video games.. especially in an arcade with fake sniper rifles, and bikes that you can tilt on to change your direction as opposed to a joystick. And teaching everyone how to make music by running your finger around the rim of a drinking glass. I enjoyed just watching the sea, if there's anything to watch, most of the trip being just.. blue. The Roman- themed pool and the spa were great (though the chlorine started getting to my head after a while), especially with the water sloshing around from the ship tilting. I didn't know- I guess I should have- that ships roll, unlike airplanes, which rock up and down. It's more unpleasant than airplanes, unfortunately. The pool was like a mini wave pool, and I like ocean breezes. And the whole design was really cheerful and comfortable, though I ate too much. This came from the great idea from my family that since buffets are free, but our tickets automatically gave us $500 HK dollars to spend on food, that we should go to both the buffets and the pay restaurants to get the best of the free buffet food and the more formal pay food ($500 worth would be paid for by our tickets whether we spent that much on food or not).. Which means two meals for each meal. GAH. Best California rolls I've ever had though.

Possibly the most ghetto nighttime onboard entertainment I have ever seen though.. Random people in sequins dancing badly to really loud music to really tacky pyrotechnics involving a laser beam swinging into the crowd blinding it. Yes, Nick, more ghetto than the Greek dude trying to sing in Japanese. At least that was "cultural." I did, however, have my picture taken with a dude in a giant bunny suit. After returning from Xiamen, I tried to sneak into the casino, but this did not work because they were closing the casino anyhow because we were entering Hong Kong waters, and gambling is not allowed in Hong Kong. Hmm, I also wondered how the "Ladies of Love" night time show was, which I probably could've sneaked into as well...

Yes, Mainland (nickname: Big Green) China is now officially the most ghetto place I have ever been. Not so much as ghetto, but totally random. Let me demonstrate. Visualize what I'm about to say, instead of just reading over it, otherwise you won't understand me.

It is nighttime in July, and it is hot and humid. You see a large mall. Right in front of it, is not a parking lot, but a tiny lawn, maybe the size of a blacktop. There are large green spotlights pointed at the grass, so that it's a nice crayony shade of green, as if someone thought, "Damn, the grass should be green." Without thinking that grass isn't green at night. On the grass is some metal playground equipment. You know, swings, slides, etc. There's maybe a hundred people, coming and going into/from the mall, green kids (the lights doing their job) playing on the playground and random people sitting. On the grass. There are poles on the grass. There are Christmas lights shaped like fireworks on the poles. Around this whole scene are colonial style apartments badly in need of repair. There is a giant KFC sign in Chinese. Looming above the sign is a crane. And a clocktower.

I'm not sure if I'm getting across, but what I was thinking looking out at this was.. What the hell???

A fairly dumb tour.. we went to the beach, and just stood around acting like idiots, since it was blistering hot, even with the free fans and free water we were given. I hate beaches. The only thing distinctive about it was that you could see Taiwan. Chinese tea ceremony demonstration.. good tea.. but I didn't understand the Mandarin, and didn't pay attention to the Cantonese. Went to a nifty Buddhist shrine and ate a vegetarian meal there. The cooks were amazing- they could make everything taste like meat. They made fried glutton that tasted like pork kabob, and had some strange fungi mushroom thing diced up to taste like calamari, and mushrooms basted to taste like sea cucumbers, and some awesome vegetarian pan fried noodles.

My cousin is basically like Willis, except taller and thinner and with better hair. And not as maniacal.