Went to Monkey Mall (Montgomery, to be correct, I guess. Westfield Shopping Town if you want to be even more correct). With Sharon C, Nick B, Nick S and Allison. It was fun, though mostly wandering around and window shopping than actually going into stores. I was mostly broke so I didn't complain. Sharon and Allison helped Sharon try on various red necklaces to match her red prom dress. Nick and Nick stood around nonchalantly telling her, yes, it looks wonderful, that one looks good, very nice, very nice, alternating with being indifferently casual to the spectacle of girly jewelthings. She finally bought one, but not one that Nick or Nick had seen on her. Which may have been wise, considering their fashion senses.
We (the girls, ahem) went to some department store and tried on prom dresses. Sharon's was incredibly trashy, but in an amusing way. It made her feel better that her real dress was so much better than that. Allison looked nice. I looked poofy. We went away from the department store to look at erotica. We did, and were amused.
Sharon dropped us off at the Bethesda metro station. Nick S peeled off from the crowd to take a bus; me and Nick B and Allison sang Hello Dolly and Damn Yankees songs on the hexagonal tiles under the vaulted ceiling. It had good acoustics and we echoed. People stared at us, and I liked it.
It wasn't my usual social circle, so I didn't really.. talk... Nick S was incredibly witty, which was a riot, but it also left me feeling upstaged. I had a good time though, putting on the act of being a normal bourgeois teenager, and it's what I mean when I said in yesterday's post that I'll settle for, if not best friends, then people I can get along with some of the time.
I am going off for my first foil fencing lesson now. Should be interesting.
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Me, about the "Unsolved Mystery" episode on the Discovery Channel about the Who Killed the Red Baron, in which there are numberous gunfire sound effects, followed by gratuitous *splat splat* sound effects:
Me: I feel sorry for him.
My mom: He killed many people.
Me: I feel sorry for him anyway. And everyone he killed. I feel sorry for them all.
Her: Well, war is horrible.
Me: It must be bad to die being shot down in a plane.
Her: Planes did fly very low in the early days. I remember seeing them.
Me: You did?
Her: I saw the Japanese.
Me: You weren't even born then.
(my mom was born in 1946)
Her: (after some mental math) They must have been Guomingdang planes then.
Me: Where were you?
Her: Sam Yuen Gong.
Me: Where's that?
Her: In Guangzhou. It's a shrine where we went to worship, where we visited my (insert random convoluted Chinese title for a female relative here). I was with Grandma and Aunt- it must have been 1949 because that was when Aunt was born and she was a baby. I remember hearing the [air raid] siren like weeoooOOOO.. and Grandma picked me up and (random convoluted Chinese title for a female relative) picked up Aunt and ran to the bomb shelter.
[usually the rendition of this story involves my mom acting as my grandmother saying to the female relative, "Take the baby!"]
Me: Could you hear the planes? Like the engines?
Her: Yes.
Me: They flew low? What did you see? Were they fighting?
Her: No, they were flying to Taiwan.
Me: What for?
Her: They were fleeing the Communists.
Me: The Guomingtang and the Communists had planes? I thought they were all peasants.
Her: It's 1949, there's no reason they wouldn't have had them.
Me: I didn't know they had heavy industry.. the metal plants.. airplane factories... (*digging myself into deeper, historically ignorant hole*)... I guess so, I never thought about it. What about the communists encouraging people to make iron in their backyards?
Her: That was later on, and I think they did that to keep the people poor so they could be manipulated.
Me: What else did you see?
Her: I was very little! Only three. I don't remember any more.
Me: ... Would you have known the planes weren't Japanese if I hadn't told you?
Her: I had thought they were Japanese.
Me: 1949 is when Mao made China a Communist nation....
Her: Yes, for the Communists to be as far south as Guangzhou must have meant it was pretty late in the [Chinese Civil] War.
Me: The Communists were there?
Her: The Guomingdang were retreating from them to Taiwan; they blew up a bridge on their way...
Me: .. to keep the Communists from following.
Her: Right. They killed a lot of people too though. Because of boats under the bridge and people on the bridge and bombs then weren't so precise.
Me: Shouldn't they have cleared the bridge before blowing it up?
Her: How? No one had a radio then..
Me: (thought:... with a megaphone..) Oh! They were bombing it with planes?
Her: Yes, what did you think?
Me: I thought they'd rigged dynamite.
Her: You see why the Guomingdang are still so angry at the Communists, Chiang Kai-Shek and all the rest.
Me: And the Taiwanese must be angry at the Guomingdang for randomly invading their island.
Her: Yes, the Formosans.
Me: And the Communists don't like the Nationalists and the Nationalists don't like the Communists and the Taiwanese like neither of them.. Did you still write to your "Soviet Brothers"? [pen pals in USSR's Red Army]
Her: Of course.
Me: Did they write back?
Her: Yes, in Chinese.
Me: Your "Soviet Brothers" could write Chinese?
Her: No, but the letters were translated from Russian.
Me: How do you know they were translated correctly?
Her: I don't. I believed them as a child though.
Me: What sort of things did they say?
Her: I don't know... maybe "Dear Children: Thank you for your letters. Obey Mao Zedong and stay in school."
Me: That doesn't sound a lot like Soviet soldiers.
Her: They were very bureaucratic sounding letters. You know how they are. They all sound the same.
Me: That's very funny... "Obey Mao Zedong and stay in school." Sounds like the Red Guard.
Her: Yes, with their Little Red Books... I used to have one, but it was in English. I bought it for an English-speaking friend in Hong Kong.
Me: Were you in the Red Guard?
Her: No, Communism wasn't so powerful in Hong Kong.
Me: Why were you in Hong Kong? For university?
Her: No, my family was in Hong Kong.
Me: Why'd the family move?
Her: Because Grandpa moved.
Me: Why'd he move? Business?
Her: No, because the Communists were harassing him.
Me: "Harassing"?
Her: They'd make him get up on a stage, or send him to detention camps.
Me: On a stage?
Her: They'd have him kneel down and a bunch of people yell insulting things and accusations at him.
Me: Accusations? Of what?
Her: Of nothing, just for being a businessman.
Me: For being rich?
Her: We weren't rich... our house was only one story. We weren't like some of those landowners..
Me: I know, it's just that the Communists will say everybody's rich just to attack them. What's a detention center?
Her: It's just a place they put him, like a prison. You'd live in a room with a bunch of people. Sometimes they wouldn't give you food or water.
Me: Did Grandpa fight the Japanese?
Her: No, he was captured by them.
Me: He was captured by the Communists too. He seems to have a tendency towards getting captured.
Me: They let him go after a short time without doing anything. The Japanese weren't that bad in Guangzhou. They did the worst in Namking...
Me: A Mandarin classmate [this would be Xu] always tells me.
Her: The Japanese raped many women. They'd blacken their faces out of shame.
Me: He [Xu] really vents about the Japanese.
Her: Well a lot of people don't like the Japanese- when we were young, we refused to buy anything from Japan, but as Japan got more successful, we had to. Especially electronics. We tried not to; we bought from Germany instead.
(pause)
Me: Germany.
Her: Yes.
Me: A strange second choice.
Her: They were the only other people making electronics.
Me: From an American standpoint, it'd be more logical nationalistically to buy from Japan and avoid Germany.
Her: (finally getting it) Over here people might think that way. But in China, we hadn't been fighting Germany.
Me: That makes them so much less evil.
Me: I feel sorry for him.
My mom: He killed many people.
Me: I feel sorry for him anyway. And everyone he killed. I feel sorry for them all.
Her: Well, war is horrible.
Me: It must be bad to die being shot down in a plane.
Her: Planes did fly very low in the early days. I remember seeing them.
Me: You did?
Her: I saw the Japanese.
Me: You weren't even born then.
(my mom was born in 1946)
Her: (after some mental math) They must have been Guomingdang planes then.
Me: Where were you?
Her: Sam Yuen Gong.
Me: Where's that?
Her: In Guangzhou. It's a shrine where we went to worship, where we visited my (insert random convoluted Chinese title for a female relative here). I was with Grandma and Aunt- it must have been 1949 because that was when Aunt was born and she was a baby. I remember hearing the [air raid] siren like weeoooOOOO.. and Grandma picked me up and (random convoluted Chinese title for a female relative) picked up Aunt and ran to the bomb shelter.
[usually the rendition of this story involves my mom acting as my grandmother saying to the female relative, "Take the baby!"]
Me: Could you hear the planes? Like the engines?
Her: Yes.
Me: They flew low? What did you see? Were they fighting?
Her: No, they were flying to Taiwan.
Me: What for?
Her: They were fleeing the Communists.
Me: The Guomingtang and the Communists had planes? I thought they were all peasants.
Her: It's 1949, there's no reason they wouldn't have had them.
Me: I didn't know they had heavy industry.. the metal plants.. airplane factories... (*digging myself into deeper, historically ignorant hole*)... I guess so, I never thought about it. What about the communists encouraging people to make iron in their backyards?
Her: That was later on, and I think they did that to keep the people poor so they could be manipulated.
Me: What else did you see?
Her: I was very little! Only three. I don't remember any more.
Me: ... Would you have known the planes weren't Japanese if I hadn't told you?
Her: I had thought they were Japanese.
Me: 1949 is when Mao made China a Communist nation....
Her: Yes, for the Communists to be as far south as Guangzhou must have meant it was pretty late in the [Chinese Civil] War.
Me: The Communists were there?
Her: The Guomingdang were retreating from them to Taiwan; they blew up a bridge on their way...
Me: .. to keep the Communists from following.
Her: Right. They killed a lot of people too though. Because of boats under the bridge and people on the bridge and bombs then weren't so precise.
Me: Shouldn't they have cleared the bridge before blowing it up?
Her: How? No one had a radio then..
Me: (thought:... with a megaphone..) Oh! They were bombing it with planes?
Her: Yes, what did you think?
Me: I thought they'd rigged dynamite.
Her: You see why the Guomingdang are still so angry at the Communists, Chiang Kai-Shek and all the rest.
Me: And the Taiwanese must be angry at the Guomingdang for randomly invading their island.
Her: Yes, the Formosans.
Me: And the Communists don't like the Nationalists and the Nationalists don't like the Communists and the Taiwanese like neither of them.. Did you still write to your "Soviet Brothers"? [pen pals in USSR's Red Army]
Her: Of course.
Me: Did they write back?
Her: Yes, in Chinese.
Me: Your "Soviet Brothers" could write Chinese?
Her: No, but the letters were translated from Russian.
Me: How do you know they were translated correctly?
Her: I don't. I believed them as a child though.
Me: What sort of things did they say?
Her: I don't know... maybe "Dear Children: Thank you for your letters. Obey Mao Zedong and stay in school."
Me: That doesn't sound a lot like Soviet soldiers.
Her: They were very bureaucratic sounding letters. You know how they are. They all sound the same.
Me: That's very funny... "Obey Mao Zedong and stay in school." Sounds like the Red Guard.
Her: Yes, with their Little Red Books... I used to have one, but it was in English. I bought it for an English-speaking friend in Hong Kong.
Me: Were you in the Red Guard?
Her: No, Communism wasn't so powerful in Hong Kong.
Me: Why were you in Hong Kong? For university?
Her: No, my family was in Hong Kong.
Me: Why'd the family move?
Her: Because Grandpa moved.
Me: Why'd he move? Business?
Her: No, because the Communists were harassing him.
Me: "Harassing"?
Her: They'd make him get up on a stage, or send him to detention camps.
Me: On a stage?
Her: They'd have him kneel down and a bunch of people yell insulting things and accusations at him.
Me: Accusations? Of what?
Her: Of nothing, just for being a businessman.
Me: For being rich?
Her: We weren't rich... our house was only one story. We weren't like some of those landowners..
Me: I know, it's just that the Communists will say everybody's rich just to attack them. What's a detention center?
Her: It's just a place they put him, like a prison. You'd live in a room with a bunch of people. Sometimes they wouldn't give you food or water.
Me: Did Grandpa fight the Japanese?
Her: No, he was captured by them.
Me: He was captured by the Communists too. He seems to have a tendency towards getting captured.
Me: They let him go after a short time without doing anything. The Japanese weren't that bad in Guangzhou. They did the worst in Namking...
Me: A Mandarin classmate [this would be Xu] always tells me.
Her: The Japanese raped many women. They'd blacken their faces out of shame.
Me: He [Xu] really vents about the Japanese.
Her: Well a lot of people don't like the Japanese- when we were young, we refused to buy anything from Japan, but as Japan got more successful, we had to. Especially electronics. We tried not to; we bought from Germany instead.
(pause)
Me: Germany.
Her: Yes.
Me: A strange second choice.
Her: They were the only other people making electronics.
Me: From an American standpoint, it'd be more logical nationalistically to buy from Japan and avoid Germany.
Her: (finally getting it) Over here people might think that way. But in China, we hadn't been fighting Germany.
Me: That makes them so much less evil.
Something I posted on a message board in response to someone longing for childhood and feeling his life was slipping away:
----
May 8, 2003:
I had a better imagination in childhood, because I didn't know what was impossible, I didn't know that my ideas were already thought up a million times by other people (they were fresh to me), and I think my emotions were more pure, if you know what I mean. When I was happy, I was never like, "am I happy now? is this the best I'll ever feel? should I cherish this?" which is I find myself doing of late. But I remember, in fifth grade, reading Calvin and Hobbes and laughing with Bill Watterson, who spoke in Calvin's voice, about how adults found childhood to be such an idyllic bliss, because I was living it then, and I remember that I thought it really wasn't all that great. And I wondered, while I was reading that comic strip, if I'd grow up to remember childhood as this magical experience. But of course I do, in spite of myself.
I also make myself remember why it wasn't so great. I was lonely sometimes. I didn't really have friends; except that I really wished sometimes I had someone to play with, that I could just for once be the trendsetter and not the trendtaker and be adored, that I could run around with other kids on their level and not be tired, I really didn't notice it until middle school where these things amplify themselves. And I was sick to death of being looked down upon and not having any power to make my own choices.
I find it the reverse of Sparky's [someone who'd commented on how his friends seemed to grow more superficial in secondary school] experience.. I have real friends now. When I was little (elementary school) it was kind of idiotic. Yes, I had playmates, yeah, I was probably happier with them in terms of having fun, but it's only in these last few years when I've spent a long time knowing someone that I can really talk to them. And you discover, even when you're not talking to them, that they're going through the same things you are, and that even people you don't know that well are going through the exact same things. I've given up on this kind of "best friend for life" type thing I used to be enamored with (I was lonely in middle school.. Comradeship used to be a sacred, but unknown ideal to me, like Marriage and Motherhood.) ... relationships fall apart if they aren't maintained. Which means talking to people every day, seeing how they are, having fun with them. And if you stop hanging out with people one day you'll find that you're not really friends anymore because they've changed so much and spend all their time with other people, and when you try to talk you can't, and that's just how it is, and it's not necessarily a sad thing, though it often is sad. And sometimes random strangers can show amazing insight. And the best I can hope for now is having not this big Friends Forever thing I longed for when I was lonely, but just having people I can get along with some of the time.
Maybe I'm just bitter because I'm going off to college next year and four years of work (socially) will be undone and I'm starting all over again and leaving everyone. But I remember leaving middle school and, in contrast, not caring one bit about my "friends": perhaps feeling a sense of loss means that I should appreciate that I've had something to lose.
In general, losing your childhood means losing your ideals. As a kid, everything ahead was always a great adventure: something new and better around the corner, but now the realization comes to me that life will continue as it always has, the daily grind, that there will be no knight, no prince, no doorways and wardrobes opening to other worlds, no long lost islands under waterfalls, no Dream Job, no Dream Marriage, no One Great Family That's Loving All The Time, nothing will whisk me off my feet and with each new phase will be new problems. This is depressing to know sometimes, but then comforting to know that little bits of joy are interspersed with my life like little bits of sorrow.... I don't have to wait around for some Great Big Epiphany to happen in ten years when there's the spring sun or spring rain and fresh cut grass and shady trees outside my door. My life isn't supernatural, but rather ordinary.. and sometimes that's a good thing.
----
----
May 8, 2003:
I had a better imagination in childhood, because I didn't know what was impossible, I didn't know that my ideas were already thought up a million times by other people (they were fresh to me), and I think my emotions were more pure, if you know what I mean. When I was happy, I was never like, "am I happy now? is this the best I'll ever feel? should I cherish this?" which is I find myself doing of late. But I remember, in fifth grade, reading Calvin and Hobbes and laughing with Bill Watterson, who spoke in Calvin's voice, about how adults found childhood to be such an idyllic bliss, because I was living it then, and I remember that I thought it really wasn't all that great. And I wondered, while I was reading that comic strip, if I'd grow up to remember childhood as this magical experience. But of course I do, in spite of myself.
I also make myself remember why it wasn't so great. I was lonely sometimes. I didn't really have friends; except that I really wished sometimes I had someone to play with, that I could just for once be the trendsetter and not the trendtaker and be adored, that I could run around with other kids on their level and not be tired, I really didn't notice it until middle school where these things amplify themselves. And I was sick to death of being looked down upon and not having any power to make my own choices.
I find it the reverse of Sparky's [someone who'd commented on how his friends seemed to grow more superficial in secondary school] experience.. I have real friends now. When I was little (elementary school) it was kind of idiotic. Yes, I had playmates, yeah, I was probably happier with them in terms of having fun, but it's only in these last few years when I've spent a long time knowing someone that I can really talk to them. And you discover, even when you're not talking to them, that they're going through the same things you are, and that even people you don't know that well are going through the exact same things. I've given up on this kind of "best friend for life" type thing I used to be enamored with (I was lonely in middle school.. Comradeship used to be a sacred, but unknown ideal to me, like Marriage and Motherhood.) ... relationships fall apart if they aren't maintained. Which means talking to people every day, seeing how they are, having fun with them. And if you stop hanging out with people one day you'll find that you're not really friends anymore because they've changed so much and spend all their time with other people, and when you try to talk you can't, and that's just how it is, and it's not necessarily a sad thing, though it often is sad. And sometimes random strangers can show amazing insight. And the best I can hope for now is having not this big Friends Forever thing I longed for when I was lonely, but just having people I can get along with some of the time.
Maybe I'm just bitter because I'm going off to college next year and four years of work (socially) will be undone and I'm starting all over again and leaving everyone. But I remember leaving middle school and, in contrast, not caring one bit about my "friends": perhaps feeling a sense of loss means that I should appreciate that I've had something to lose.
In general, losing your childhood means losing your ideals. As a kid, everything ahead was always a great adventure: something new and better around the corner, but now the realization comes to me that life will continue as it always has, the daily grind, that there will be no knight, no prince, no doorways and wardrobes opening to other worlds, no long lost islands under waterfalls, no Dream Job, no Dream Marriage, no One Great Family That's Loving All The Time, nothing will whisk me off my feet and with each new phase will be new problems. This is depressing to know sometimes, but then comforting to know that little bits of joy are interspersed with my life like little bits of sorrow.... I don't have to wait around for some Great Big Epiphany to happen in ten years when there's the spring sun or spring rain and fresh cut grass and shady trees outside my door. My life isn't supernatural, but rather ordinary.. and sometimes that's a good thing.
----
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Now it is time for:
Strange LotR inspired shit!
Galadriel's Brooch! I am jumping up and down with girlish glee!
LotR Risk! .. for Malex.
Frodo Plush! If only it weren't so disturbing looking I'd buy it...
The TTT Action Figure Storybook! Like Jen's link to Lord of the Rings retold with Legos.. except this time with action figures. It's surprisingly cinematic.
Noam Chomsky's (Fake) Audio Commentary for the Fellowship DVD! "The dwarves are a Jew-like figure..." This is effin' hilarious!
Reenactment of the Battle of Helm's Deep at Castle Bardi in Italy! Dammit! How come the Italians always have to look so good! For one thing, when they LARP, they don't look like total losers!
Strange LotR inspired shit!
Galadriel's Brooch! I am jumping up and down with girlish glee!
LotR Risk! .. for Malex.
Frodo Plush! If only it weren't so disturbing looking I'd buy it...
The TTT Action Figure Storybook! Like Jen's link to Lord of the Rings retold with Legos.. except this time with action figures. It's surprisingly cinematic.
Noam Chomsky's (Fake) Audio Commentary for the Fellowship DVD! "The dwarves are a Jew-like figure..." This is effin' hilarious!
Reenactment of the Battle of Helm's Deep at Castle Bardi in Italy! Dammit! How come the Italians always have to look so good! For one thing, when they LARP, they don't look like total losers!
You're the psychotic grin, and no one can quite tell
if you're insane or just really hyper. You scare
people, and I mean scare them a lot. Kati'd be
friends with you though. You two could have
sleepovers together and make pasta at 4 am.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dark Platypus Studios
I have no idea what this is. Chintzy fantasy art, I suppose. The name is funny though. Also, since it's one of Quizilla's sponsors and I've been partaking of mad Quizilla joy for the last hour or so, I might as well linky.
I have no idea what this is. Chintzy fantasy art, I suppose. The name is funny though. Also, since it's one of Quizilla's sponsors and I've been partaking of mad Quizilla joy for the last hour or so, I might as well linky.
Your Heart is Yellow
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yup. I'm a true China heart. HEY! Was that last bit a racial slur?
I've been chewing on Atkins Advantage bars. They taste like cardboard and leave a Diet Pepsi type aftertaste.
Mmm. Cardboard. *chewchewchew* I suppose you can get used to it though.
Slim Fast bars are richer and creamier, but on the downside, hard as bricks. You could kill someone with those things.
I should start up a Diet Gourmet Snack Food Magazine. You'd have luscious photos of Nutrigrain bars artfully adorned by golden lemon coins and sprigs of parsley.
Mmm. Cardboard. *chewchewchew* I suppose you can get used to it though.
Slim Fast bars are richer and creamier, but on the downside, hard as bricks. You could kill someone with those things.
I should start up a Diet Gourmet Snack Food Magazine. You'd have luscious photos of Nutrigrain bars artfully adorned by golden lemon coins and sprigs of parsley.
You Have the Power of Teleportation!
What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla
I hope that as a teleportee that I don't have to travel through wormholes of that ghastly wavey green-black color though. My world is not a peppermint patty for a reason.
Nice quiz. Dumb images. I think I should start an Online Quiz Review, where judges rate online quizzes for their accuracy, cleverness, and aesthetic values. God knows it's about time online quizzes got a Snobby Literary Elite.
Monday, May 05, 2003
The Fake Senior Banquet on Saturday was pleasant, though the seating arrangements were convoluted. There were so many people we dominated one long table and a round table at the end, like an exclamation mark squished together. This made it so that people sitting at one end couldn't talk to people at the other. I had got there late and so had been relegated to the round table, but I bailed out on Malex and Ruchita and Silvia (and James) and other latecomers at the roundtable by switching places with Sarah Gordon who had been sitting in a fairly central position at the longtable. I hope the roundtable people didn't feel too abandoned in the periphery. In any case, though I can't speak for other people, I had a good time, talking with Rob, Cathy, Jen, Elissa and Carmel. Apparently, she's this mysterious Melly character I keep seeing around blogs! Man.. I shoulda won the Washington Post Award for Most Oblivious.
Jen: What's this for?
Teehee. I won for Most Easily Amused though.
Went to Ben and Jerry's afterward. Nick got Rob to sit on his lap, and put his hands around his waist. Rob looked rather shocked and uncomfortable, before bolting. I think this kind of destroyed his "we naive Southerners" defense he was using to shield himself against all the Carmeltalk. ("Can I have your cherry?" She won for Most Likely To End Up In Somebody's Lap). And after Rob had won the Victorian Sex Award too.
Malex: Rob, honey, I'm always open!
On another note, I think the "we naive Southerners" defense is a really lame reason for not knowing how to use chopsticks. I'm finding that I don't really like the food at Tara Asia (a lot better food could be found for $15) but it wasn't bad, just unspectacular, or maybe I just don't know what to order.
Jen: What's this for?
Teehee. I won for Most Easily Amused though.
Went to Ben and Jerry's afterward. Nick got Rob to sit on his lap, and put his hands around his waist. Rob looked rather shocked and uncomfortable, before bolting. I think this kind of destroyed his "we naive Southerners" defense he was using to shield himself against all the Carmeltalk. ("Can I have your cherry?" She won for Most Likely To End Up In Somebody's Lap). And after Rob had won the Victorian Sex Award too.
Malex: Rob, honey, I'm always open!
On another note, I think the "we naive Southerners" defense is a really lame reason for not knowing how to use chopsticks. I'm finding that I don't really like the food at Tara Asia (a lot better food could be found for $15) but it wasn't bad, just unspectacular, or maybe I just don't know what to order.
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