Some thoughts on women's fantasy armor

 I hate the argument that “women aren’t strong enough to wear armor” or “women are agile, not strong.” First off, this is stupid. Secondly, besides the fact that armor is more maneuverable than most people assume, female armor mostly shows up in fantasy, a genre often known for its poetic or cinematic breaks from reality. A man can cleave his foe in twain in slow-mo, but a woman with good upper body strength breaks suspension of disbelief? Wut?

Besides, fantasy isn’t about what people “should” do. If you think about it, an illiterate, but pure-hearted peasant really shouldn’t become the king. Maybe the heroine should have learned a more agility-based fighting art. But she didn’t, because she must be a knight, like her father before her!!!111 Well, why not? If you can use “it’s not real life” to justify skimpy armor, you can use “it’s not real life” to justify a 16 year-old waifish elf girl in full plate one-handing a zweihander.

Playing the devil's advocate, yes, skimpy armor occasionally allows people to "dodge," though not as often as video games would have you believe. Real life sometimes imitates art. There’s an Indian martial art called Kalaripayattu that emphasizes flexibility and flying leaps. It’s amazing to watch. Weapons include swords with shields, daggers, and a whirling, whip-like sword. The male practitioners fight in thongs or loincloths, and give each other therapeutic oil massages as part of their Yoga practice! If these were ladies in D&D, people would be screaming “sexist”. Ironically, the women practitioners IRL are more modestly dressed due to religious conservatism. So yes, in certain traditions, fighting naked or in little clothing is perfectly feasible. But I’d still rather have a woman be unarmored than stupidly armored.

I personally dislike the idea that skimpy female armor is to distract men. Not from a realism perspective but from an artistic one. A good action hero has agency. His badassery stems from doing things, not in the influencing of other people to do things. If a lady warrior wears impractical armor to mess with men, it’s exactly the same stupid, sexist argument that was mocked in a widely-linked anti-feminist bingo card: “Women have all the power over men- you can reduce us to an uncontrollable jelly of lust!” I’m not like, outraged that a woman warrior is sexy- that’s appealing also- but I like to see a female warrior, when she’s on the field, rely more on her skills than on head-gaming men.

In a non-sex-related example, sensitivity is important in a female surgeon, both as a doctor and as a woman. But in her professional life, more emphasis should be placed on the job’s primary medical skills, not secondary social skills. If some medical drama about her only showed how damn NICE she was and didn’t show much actual surgery, I’d be pissed.

An anthropologist once noted that in all societies she’s observed, little girls aimed to please. Little boys aimed to excel. I want my women heroes to excel.

I saw a rant which is indicative of a usual rant among anti-feminists.

"If all women flaunt their bodies to manipulate men, men shouldn't be criticized for enjoying and making use of women's bodies."

This always struck me as silly, acting like it's some sort of equivalent trade between the sexes.

If a woman acts slutty, it's okay to treat her like a sex object^*. By this logic, if a woman sells drugs, it's okay to buy from her.

LAME.

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The actual, and much less coherent, post is here, in response to a female commenter saying that small breast size was a refreshing change in fantasy artwork.

First, a woman saying that she likes something to be different every once in a while is hardly controversial radical feminism. That's like saying: "Hm, today I'll have the baked potato instead.." ... "YOU FEMINIST NAZI BITCH!"

Second, there is the huge logical fallacy in grossly generalizing about one half of the world's population. Do severe burn patients, agoraphobics, female bodybuilders, nuns, lesbians, lesbian nuns and this idiot's grandmother flaunt their body to manipulate men? Hmm.. no. Those extreme examples aside, what our male guest is complaining about is "the type of clothes you wear, all the make up you trowel on, the type of heroes that you worship in the media," which he cites as proof that womankind is out to manipulate and leech off of men.

Hmmm. For the most part, women dress up to please themselves and other women. When I buy a stylish necklace, I think "Ooh, this is cute," not "Ooh, this will make men do my yardwork." Women like Jennifer Anniston are popular with other women because they're stylish and glamorous trendsetters, not because they have huge bazongas. (And if you can't differentiate between stylish and "huge bazongas," I hope the police are there to pry you off as you uncontrollably hump a pair of Prada shoes.)

Do men care about the color of your nailpolish? Do men care whether your shoes match your purse? Do men care whether you put on moisturizer or curl your eyelashes? ... Well, some men do, but they're gay.

(Not to mention the good number of women who don't dress up at all)

Women dress to impress men as much as men get spinning rims to impress women. Which is to say, a little, but not much.

As to "the type of heroes that you worship in the media," the women that other women idolize are different from the women men idolize. Who's a hot, busty woman? Jessica Alba. What movies was she in that made her popular? ... Fantastic Four, and Sin City. Who watched those movies? Men. Who is Kate Beckinsale in tight leather popular with? Men. Who is Jennifer Garner popular with? Men. Who is Angelina Jolie popular with? Men. Who is Pamela Anderson popular with? Men.

Who's popular with women? Oprah.

I rest my case.


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*I make a distinction between being slutty and looking good. When I say I'd like some video game women to not have giant gravity-defying boobs, tight leather catsuits and high heels, that doesn't mean I want video games starring withered hag-women and cement bricks. I like boobs of all sizes, actually. It's the ridiculous outfits I dislike. After all, men like to play as attractive men, but you don't see avatars in World of Warcraft wearing butt-thongs and giant codpieces, do you?

Aboot yesterday. If you ever end up in a room with only Kristen, Julia and Marianna, and Mrs. Goetz you will end up with strange discussion topics.

-Pierced nipples ("What would happen if you were trying to breastfeed? Would milk like, come out of two holes?"), pierced toes, pierced.. that flap of skin between your thumb and forefinger.. tongue piercings. ("His mom thought it was like, self-mutilation, so she was like, 'Oh my god! What's wrong???' ") Tatooed eyeliner. ("What happens if the needle like, misses?")
-What happens if you stick a needle in your eye? ("Does it like, pop?" "..No, I think it's like, jello, inside, so it'd only, like, ooze..")
-Mrs. Goetz's belly piercing. ("I went to get a belly piercing with my daughter when she was a freshman. It was such a bonding experience.".. "It hurt! And I've had five children, so I know some serious pain!")
-Mrs. Goetz's reason for naming all her children with D names.
-Julia's desire to get a nifty lizard tattoo on her hip, her cool new belly button frog (You should get one, Alex), how she convinced a boy for a year that she'd gotten a nipple ring by wearing a bra with a bell on it.
-People at the tattoo parlour's screams of agony. (".. he was popping pills the whole time.. his tattoo was so big.. all down his leg and intricate.. that he couldn't get it all done at the same time because of the pain..")
-Sherry's desire to get a breast reduction. ("..That girl with big boobs..")
-Breast implants ("...they cut off your nipple! Ew... I mean, they put it back on, but still.."), Breast Implants Gone Bad ("...and her boobs were like, mushrooms! It was so gross.")
-Julia getting her belly ring pulled at a rock concert ("... so when I lifted my shirt it was halfway out and there was blood coming out of..")
-The one amazing day where Julia was wearing clothes that actually matched, and everyone commented in amazement. ("... Let's see... Herschel.. Jesse K..." "Right, then I came in and was like, 'Hey, you match!' " "... and Andrew P. You know there's something wrong with how you dress when Andrew... it was so sad..")
-Andrew's infamous sex joke. (".. I don't remember why, but he was talking in TOK and he said, '... And she sunk down on her knees in front of him.. if you know what I mean.' And we were all like, totally shocked!")
-Ms. Kavanaugh sleeping with a senior.
-Ms. Kavanaugh proposititioning every single male teacher on faculty and getting turned down.
-"Is Mr. Willard scared of girls?" debate.
-Mrs. Kellinger. ("It's pretty funny because I hear she's been pretty judgmental of everyone else these days.")
-How, while they were dating, the administration gave Mr. and Mrs. Goetz a good talking to for 'unprofessional conduct.' (".. you know, because we'd arrive at school together and everything." "That's so cute!" "So they gave us this talk and said, 'You know your son goes to this school' and about keeping a 'professional distance' and I said, 'Get out of my business!' ")
-One of Mrs. Goetz' students' tongue rings, which he kept clicking against his teeth. A student who painted his hair red white and blue for the 1996 Olympics with oil-based paints and had to shave it all off afterwards.

In that order.

I can understand why John Ashcroft was concerned about having his picture taken in front of the statue of Justice. Her bronze bosom is rather distracting, so I can see the Attorney General's motivation for keeping it covered with a $8000 drape. After all, whenever I see John Ashcroft, I think, "God, what a giant boob!"

Been drawing boobies for Nick B, for the French Rev issue of Skank. Hope he likes them.

"Soul Music" is really good. It makes me wanna Get Up And Dance, as the song goes. WHAUM WHAUM WHAUM!!!!!! Boom-bambam-boom BOOM! Music with rocks in it! Just to prove Malex wrong, if you want to look for a book that can express the emotion of music in text form, there we go. HELLOOOOO, ANKH-MORPORK!!!!! TERRY PRATCHETT, SIGN MY BOOOOBSSS!!!! hmm. I don't think he'd appreciate that. Could I get people to pay me to not ask them to sign my boobs? Sort of like how Ranwa has a shirt that says "give me a dollar and I'll go away"? Maybe I could send PTerry and photo of, say, Jenna Jameson's boobage and have him sign that.

Susan's a better character now. I was sorta scared she'd be like.. a teenage Dagny Taggart. Characters are sorta weak.. , no, not really, I just don't like them as much as the Watch. damn good music though. Expecting my Vetinari-poo to be thrown in mosh pit anytime now. Know it won't happen, because he's The Patrician. But I so want to see him with his hair down. Pratchett makes a Far Side reference. I'm happy.