I was in DC with Jeremy on Saturday for the Battle of the Barbecues, but it was hot (DC in high summer at noon) and overcommercialized. We were horrified that these vendors actually expected us to pay for our food, those capitalist bastards. So after we bummed around for free samples we went to the Natural History Museum, where all the exhibits were "temporarily closed for your convenience." We went into the Gems and Minerals exhibit and looked at shiny rocks. After that, we went to the Hirschorn (aka Donut Museum) despite our displeasure with modern art and looked at shiny God-what-is-thats.

Went to dinner at Teaism, a trendy Asian-style cafe by the National Archives.

I went up to the cashier and ordered some noodles. The cashier boy looked at me funny. "Would you like anything else?" he said.

I looked at him harder, squinted my eyes, and then suddenly yelled, right there in public, "HOLY FUCK YOU'RE NICK S!"

I waved my arms around and pointed like I saw Bigfoot and generally acted like a spazz.

Lesson: Sometimes I don't see people because I don't expect to see.

Been going to UMCP a lot lately. Went a few weeks ago to attend a lecture about the role of video games in military training. Got to hang out with Silvia for a bit too. When I called her, she was like a few blocks from me. Small world.

Went down this weekend too to use the library, and also dropped by the United States Botanical Gardens (ooh, lots of plants. Moving on) and the Museum of the Native American Indian. Architecture = awesome. I haven't been through much of it, but the collection seemed kind of "eh" to me. This may be politically incorrect, but I can't say I'm too impressed with things made out of bits of leather, beads and rocks. The guns and swords were very impressive though. It does occur to me that the coolest thing about the Native American museum was the European artifacts. Do I care? Not really.

Went to U Penn a few weeks ago to look at their archaeological collection. They have the world's most extensive collection of Roman glass and the world's largest rock crystal, among other things. I really wish I was an archaeologist there- just their museum has a brown brick Byzantine facade, a stone fountain on the wall between the gates, and a bowl-shaped fountain in the middle of the courtyard circle. I don't know how U Penn's academics are (I know it's hard to get into and expensive) but I'm a sucker for good architecture. Apparently their department is in the middle of doing field research in Egypt though, which should count for something. Plus, a campus in the middle of Philadelphia makes me drool. The campus itself looks like a real city, but not in an intimidating way. Look at my campus- stuck off the exit of a highway and with architecture of 70's cinderblock, brick and cold glass. All our art exhibits are either displayed in some room in the Fine Arts Building, or in the gallery of the library.

Also in the same trip went to the Academy of Fine Arts, where you aren't allowed to take pictures. Took a look at city hall, which is pretentious yet awe-inspiring, and Reading Market, where I had a cheese steak. Duh.

Also, went down to DC for the last crowded day of the cherry blossom festival, and walked all over the National Mall.
This weekend, went to historic Ellicot city, and Patapsco State Park.

Yeah. Maybe more later.

... so we went to the NSA museum and we pushed the power button on the Cray supercomputer and all the microprocessor lights turned off. Except then the alarm went off and we ran away. But then we snuck back in and pressed the 'disable alarm' button. So it was all good.

Let me tell you about Friday.

Went to the Natural History Museum with Shpachee, because museum-hopping is a hobby of mine. The elephant statue in the entrance hall had been renovated, so that you could no longer pick up a phone plugged into the plinth and listen to the audio documentary about pachyderms.

Had a precursory look at the modern Mongolia exhibit, mostly because we had to walk through it to get to the Dinotopia exhibit, though there were interesting reconstructions of yurts. The Dinotopia exhibit seemed more like a total plug for the miniseries instead of an actual point of academic interest worth being in a museum. Even so, the parts of the exhibit unrelated to the semi-crappy miniseries were great; James Gurney really deserves his reputation as an artist. The architectural miniatures were really shoddy, but the paintings.. it was great to recognize them from the books, except the originals were so much richer, and at their original size, you could pick out an amazing amount of detail. Of course, the best ones in the exhibit were the best ones in the books.. Waterfall City, Canyon City, World Beneath. And Chandakar, which isn't in the books. I think it's sort of strange and a bit disturbing that I get a more spiritual experience from reading fantasy books and walking through Rock Creek Park than from going to church. Though if atheists are to be believed, it's only a matter of picking the best work of fiction.

Uh, some Southeast Asian history stuff and the African cultures section. And the pre-Ice Age mammals exhibit, which I thought Alex would have liked. It was quite a novel experience, because as a little kid on field trips I'd only look at the dinosaurs. Giant sloths! Giant elk! Mammoths! Giant armadillos! Pigdogs! Thin rhinos! Tiny horses! I saw the dinosaur exhibit too, which I've seen once or twice before, but it was still awe-inspiring when you're actually aware of the size of these things.

We would have watched Cirque de Soleil (with Shpachee mocking my bad French) on the IMAX, but it aired at 5:45, so we just left and went to Dupont Circle by Metro. We were trying to walk to Georgetown but we got lost, but it was still pleasant getting lost in a non-touristy part of DC. It was actually quite quaint, with brick houses and windows with shutters and gardens, and we went into an actual general store, the type that sells everything. Shpachee said it was like being in a book because it was so quiet. But we did get to Georgetown eventually after getting a bunch of retarded directions.

Chili fries at Johnny Rocket's, a retro diner with a soda fountain and jukeboxes and oldschool "Coca-Cola" posters plastered over the tile walls. Chili fries get really squishy and gross halfway through, and they are possibly the unhealthiest food product in existence, but they were still good. Shpachee wondered how they could be considered a side.. who'd be hungry enough to eat anything else? I ordered some Mr Pibb (with no dot after Mister) because it's a running gag on 8-Bit Theater, then realized that a webcomic was affecting my consumer decisions. Freaky.

Went shopping (or Looking, since we're too poor for Georgetown) at Commander Salamander and Urban Outfitters and United Colors of Bennetton and American Eagle and other places that sell useless but expensive articles of clothing, such as....

-Sweaters knit from really thin material. Too thin to actually protect from the cold, too thick to wear by itself, liable to fall apart 30 seconds after you buy it.
-Shirts you wear over your actual shirt. So.. not really a jacket.. but not really a shirt..
-Halfling shorts. Known as such because maybe they'd be decent on a hobbit. If you combine two of these shorts to create a pair of SuperShorts, you'd maybe have a pair of shorts for human girls that'd come down to the middle of your thighs.
-Teenytiny TankTop. I thought it was a purse, until I picked it up and realized the bottom was open. You could stitch it closed, and it would be a purse.
-Pants That Are Too Tight On Me. Pretty self-explanatory.

Tried to walk back to Dupont station, got lost again, collapsed in a Starbucks near the station after we found it, drank some super expensive tea, went home, got picked up by my mom at Twinbrook, went home and ate corn on a cob and generally hung out.

And that was my day.

Quotes of the day:

"Let's have phone sex with the elephant!" -Me about the old elephant statue in the Smithsonian with those phones. Maybe this is why they renovated it.

"Is this the way to Reagan National Airport? I need to get off at Gallery Place. Is this the way to Gallery Place?" -Old out-of-towner on the Metro with luggage, despite repeated instructions to just get on the damn train when it comes, and get off when the station says "Gallery Place." It's not that hard.

Back in the US of A, and jetlagged like crazy. 12 hour difference, man. The blogger ate my last post, so let me tell you..

I went to the Hong Kong history museum, which involved me looking at lots of Neolithic pottery shards. Admission is free on Wednesday, so it was incredibly crowded, with loads of stupid elementary school kids. It was really interesting though, because they put a lot effort into the reconstructions. There were facade reconstructions of a theater and a brothel, and then there were reconstructions that you could actually go inside of. I got to go into a junk, a shrine, a Tang (I think) dynasty tomb complete with vaulted ceilings, a tram, and a reconstructed street from the colonial era inside the museum. And it wasn't just a facade of a street; it included reconstructions of a tea parlor, a pharmacy, a bank, a printing press (the building with the press inside it), a store, a post office, and an alley with market stalls and clothes hanging out to dry overhead. The icing on the realism cake was the recorded sound effects, so at the junk, you would hear the creaking of the ships, the slosh of water and the cries of the seagulls, and in the tea parlor you'd hear the clinking of eating utensils and gentle conversation, in the alley you'd hear the vendors' cries, so it was like you were actually there. Not actually part of the street was a reconstruction of a British boat (which was unexciting, looking like every other boat in Annapolis harbor), a colonial collunade, and large boxes marked "Opium." Some breech loaded cannons, a rickshaw. For realism, of course. There was some video on the Opium War which had a portrait of Lord Palmerston in it at some point (I was like, woo! It's him!), the rest of which I didn't bother to watch because it looked uninteresting. In the folk culture section there was a mountain of steamed buns from a folk festival or something, a wedding panaquin and historical wedding clothes, ceremonial dancing lions, dummies posed to do the ceremonial rowing dance (an ethnic version of the Dragon Boat Race- maybe they were too ghetto to afford boats). There was an exhibititon on the Japanese occupation of Hong Kong, the 18 Day's War, which basically had never-before-published photos of the war from journalists intended for Japanese newspapers, and a Japanese propaganda film about the victory in Hong Kong. And there was an exhibition on modern Hong Kong, which is just MMC... my mom used most of the stuff when she was younger.

I also went to the science museum but it was aimed for kids. I knew most of the facts already, and some of the things there were already demonstrated in physics, but it was still cool. I got to do the Zimbardo illusion thing, where forced perspective in a room makes it look to an outside observer like I'm getting bigger as they walk around the room, when instead the room is strangely shaped. You could also walk through a rotating tube on an immobile catwalk, the tube being marked just right so that halfway through you'd suddenly feel like you were tilting and lose your balance, even though the catwalk wasn't moving at all. I got to run in what was basically a hamster wheel for humans that would crank a chain to turn a gear of some sort. It was incredibly difficult to get moving, but incedibly hard to stop, which was inertia and all that. I just got a riot out of running in a human-sized hamster wheel There was a face that looked like a hologram because it'd turn and watch you if you covered an eye. Actually it was a sunken into the wall, like a jello mold or something, but some lighting effect made it so that if you only viewed it with one eye (no depth perception) it would look like it was popping out of the wall and rotating. Lots of sound stuff too. There was a thing that you squeezed to force air through different plastic passages that were shaped like your vocal cords, so it would make crude a e i o u sounds. There was a maze-like room that absorbed sound, so you couldn't hear anything going on outside. If you pounded on the walls inside the maze, other people in the maze could hear it, loud, low, and distorted, as if you were inside a whale's heart or something. Totally unrelated, but if you stood under a certain convex plate at a certain point and clapped or talked, you'd sound very loud to yourself but nobody else. And there was a narrow wave tank which you viewed from the side to see what happened to waves when they hit a beach. One of the lecturers drove around a remote control hovercraft, which is actually not as impressive as it sounds, because it just looks like a boat that rides very high on the water. I measured myself against outlines on a wall showing the average set of Chinese boys and girls at various ages. I can't believe the average 18 year old is that tiny! There was a mound of fake food which was how much food an average Hong Kong adult ate in a year, which was .. I don't know how much I was expecting. And there were some unoriginal features like the kinetic energy machine (balls rolling down a track, basically), and the obligatory fake tornado.

Not on the same day, because my legs were tired enough to drop off, I went to the Hong Kong Tea Museum, which was amusing in itself because there was a giant inflatable teapot set on the lawn. Some pottery.. I guess I feel educated, even though we had to rush ahead of a throng of students on a field trip. Some cups.. pots.. tea cabinets.. scoops... dried tea leaves... video on excruciatingly boring tea ceremony.. You know.

Also tried to go to the art museum on my last day in Hong Kong, but it was Thursday and museums are generally closed on Thursdays. I guess it's to clean up after the rush of field trip kids after Free Admission Wednesday.

I added a comment engine, like Alex said. I'm his smiling cupid slave. Without the fans, and wearing clothes. I wish html were easier. I mean, it's already obscenely easy, but since I'm the consumer, I demand the universe revolve around me, and make everything easy. I just figured out why I wasn't getting any comments. Yes. I am slow.

I'm sorry! So sorry! For not updating enough. I'm incredibly outblogged, now that I have to keep up with everyone else's blog. It's worse than keeping track of one message board all the time. I'll have to wear a hair shirt to convey my penance. And lend this passage a quality of ominous power. No. Haha, Alex, you suck. I did my "original narrative' during physics, AND I got to go to the art gallery. You suck, you shoulda been there. No, I wasn't the girly who poked Raphael's "Madonna and Child." I wish. It was hella fun. Some of the pictures seemed to be glowing and crap. Like, there was this picture of two teenage girls in a window waving, so it was like me and Janis looking at them waving at us looking at them waving at us. That was great. And this one of a random canal in Venice. Kick... ass... art... *drool*. I want to be a homeless bum in the National Gallery. So that when I ask people for a dime or something, I can be like, "Hey, this is my house!" and show them the fountain with the bronze Hermes on it and my little tropical flower garden and my splendid "living room" with the oak writing desk and comfy chairs and various pompous portraits and an electric chandelier on a chain, and my kickass "private gallery" with the only Da Vinci in the western hemisphere. And I could subsist on cafeteria food and t-shirts with Monet and Whistler on them. I could be the world's most educated bum ever. Ayn Rand would hate me. I have no ambition whatsoever. Except to learn as much about world cultures as I possibly can. You know, like National Geographic stuff. I, unlike you ignorant heathens, actually read the articles. Joy. Plus, I got a nice 'peanut butter ghost' from some guy outside the art gallery for taking a survey. Rock on.

Atlas Shrugged is too damn long. I'm like 300 pages into it and dying already. I need a good, banal 'intermission novelet'. I could watch 'The Black Knight' when it comes out. It's about some guy from the Hood who gets sent to England in the 14th century. Mr. Thomas would DIE if he saw the trailer. It looks totally retarded. So I have to see it. "WHO BE YE???" "Who be I??? You be DEAD if you touch me again!" It's really banal. I don't feel like being philosophical. I argue too damn much as it is.

PS: Is it just me or does Mr. Gaffney look REALLY retarded with a mustache?
PPS: Nick, you must be in a better mood tomorrow. Or I shall be forced to backfist you again. Repeatedly. Guacup!!! Chingpao!!! I'm too lazy to slap you.